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By Gin Clifton  |  Boundaries & Healing  |  February 2026

For years, my life was a revolving door. I let people in without a second thought, desperate for the connection and validation I never got as a child. I craved community, but what I got was chaos. I gave my energy, my time, and my heart to people who weren’t just unsupportive — they were actively draining the life out of me. They were the critics, the doubters, the energy vampires who fed on drama and left a trail of emotional wreckage in their wake.

It took me a long time to realize that the people you surround yourself with will either help you be the best version of yourself, or they will weigh on you like chains and tie you down.

This is the first and most important lesson I learned on my journey to finding my kick-ass button: you have to become the gatekeeper of your own life.

The Open-Door Policy That Almost Cost Me Everything

Growing up in a home filled with generational trauma, I was taught that my needs didn’t matter. My voice was silenced, my feelings were dismissed, and my boundaries were non-existent. As an adult, I carried that programming with me. I thought being a “good person” meant having an open-door policy with my heart. I believed that saying “no” was selfish, and that setting a boundary was an act of aggression.

So I said yes. I said yes to the friend who only called when she needed something. I said yes to the family member who constantly criticized my choices. I said yes to the partner who made me feel small so he could feel big. I said yes to everyone but myself.

And it almost broke me.

I was exhausted, anxious, and filled with a quiet rage I couldn’t name. I was living a life that felt like a performance, constantly trying to please an audience that would never be satisfied. My own dreams, my own well-being, my own kick-ass button — they were all buried under the weight of everyone else’s expectations.

The Velvet Rope: Setting Boundaries Isn’t About Shutting People Out — It’s About Letting the Right People In

One day, I hit a wall. I was so depleted, so utterly broken, that I finally realized something had to change. I couldn’t keep living like this. I couldn’t keep giving pieces of myself away until there was nothing left.

That’s when I started to build my velvet rope.

Think of your life as the most exclusive club in town. Not everyone gets in. There’s a line, and you are the bouncer. You get to decide who gets a VIP pass and who has to stay on the other side of the rope.

Setting boundaries isn’t about building a fortress to keep everyone out. It’s about curating your inner circle. It’s about making a conscious choice to only allow people into your life who respect you, support you, and genuinely want to see you win.

Here’s what that looked like for me:

Action	What It Meant in Practice
The Phone Call Audit	I stopped answering calls from people who only brought drama. If a name on my screen made my stomach clench, I let it go to voicemail.
The “No” Practice	I started saying “no” to things I didn’t want to do, without giving a long-winded explanation. “No, I can’t make it” became a complete sentence.
The Energy Check-In	After spending time with someone, I would ask myself: “Do I feel energized or drained?” If the answer was consistently “drained,” I knew I had to limit my time with that person.
The Unfollow Spree	I unfollowed social media accounts that made me feel less-than. My feed became a source of inspiration, not comparison.

It was terrifying at first. I was so afraid of being seen as selfish or mean. But something amazing happened: the more I honored my own boundaries, the more the wrong people started to fall away. And in their place, the right people started to show up — people who celebrated my “no” as much as my “yes.”

Your Life Is a Private Party — Be Selective with Your Guest List

Who you let into your life is the single most important decision you will make. It will determine the quality of your days, the depth of your joy, and the trajectory of your healing.

If you are surrounded by people who doubt you, drain you, or disrespect you, you will stay stuck. But if you surround yourself with people who believe in you, energize you, and champion you, you will become unstoppable.

So I’m asking you today: who is on your guest list? Who are you letting past the velvet rope? Will they help you become the best version of yourself, or are they weighing you down like chains?

Finding your kick-ass button starts with this choice. Choose wisely.

With love and strength,
Gin

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